Singleness and loneliness– these two words are often interchanged and it breaks my heart. People think that “oh, they are single so they must be lonely” or “oh, they are lonely so they must be single” and often times we think this of ourselves, too. We think that we will be happier if we are in a relationship. We think a relationship will cure-all of our aches, doubts, and anxious thoughts and make us whole again. We think having companionship will rid us of ALL of this, but in reality nothing will rid us of this as much as Jesus does.
If we are not content with singleness and the season of life we are in right now then we will jump into things that aren't the best that God intended for us. When we jump into these things it may cure our loneliness temporarily, but after awhile we may become lonely again or even lonelier than we were before. It won’t create a satisfying joy because we are chasing after things that were never meant to create a true satisfying joy. When we trust in God’s plan and truly pursue him he will create a more permanent joy and open up doors we never even imagined for our lives.
God always knows what’s best so we should trust Him and pray and when we are going through difficult seasons in life we shouldn’t avoid or rush through them because when we do that we miss out on what God wanted us to learn from these difficult seasons. God has so much in store for our lives and when we take matters into our own hands it will never be as satisfying as when we lean into Him.
In my seasons of singleness when I was younger I did think that things will be better if I got a boyfriend and saying that breaks my heart. I also thought this way in other aspects of my life. I thought that I’d be happier if I got past this moment, this week, this year, etc. I was always looking ahead thinking things would be better. I never truly appreciated the moment I was in and found happiness with where I was at in the moment. So when I did get a boyfriend it was upsetting when it wasn’t as great as I made them out to be in my head. I mean, it had moments of greatness, but then there were moments that were beyond what is healthy. I would make excuses and lie to myself about it because it’s better than being alone and single right? It got to a point where I was even breaking down in tears when I was alone and dismissing it because I didn’t want to think about the alternative.
When things did end and I entered singleness again I remember my mom saying, “you really don’t seem too upset about it,” and to be honest, I was kind of relieved. But then the giant of comparison got to me and the idea of being single again was devastating. This was definitely a wake-up call for me to feel how much this had upset me. It scared me to know that I would rather be in a relationship that wasn’t so great than to be single - and this was when I KNEW I needed to find my worth again. I always knew what I deserve but my actions said the opposite. I wasn’t living in a way that stood up for myself or my values, which over time compromised my own happiness.
From that day forward I made a promise to myself that I would be more open about my feelings with others and myself and truly live out my worth. I also knew that the one who knows and truly believes I am worthy is God, so I leaned into that and decided to fully open up my heart to Him which changed everything!
This season of singleness was seriously one of the best seasons of my life! It was filled with growth and new opportunities that I never would have imagined for myself a year ago. God truly does have the best plan for our lives! I also am very thankful for that season of singleness because it prepared my heart for this new relationship I am in! If I would have jumped into a relationship with just anyone to not be alone I definitely wouldn’t have personally grown like I did. Growth is crucial to get to the best that God intended for you, so truly embrace those difficult seasons because they do end up to be life-changing and bring you people and things that are far greater than what you could have ever imagined.
This is a lesson that took years for me to learn and I pray that many more learn this lesson and embrace their seasons of singleness because it does NOT have to equal loneliness!
Thanks so much for sharing this. Finding your worth is liberating. :)
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